Sex and the Sand Pit

So the last time I checked the title of the movie, it was called Sex and the City. Let it be noted that the City portion is an important part of this whole affair. So when you take that out of the equation you're left with three broads all on the verge (and one well into) menopause.

There isn't much to say about this movie because despite the fact that it was two and a half hours long, nothing happened. The characters are done, they've lived their lives, just let them be.

I guess a highlighted list of events would be this:

• Carrie and Big get into a dispute about whether or not to go out and have fun or sit at home and be bored, laying out the basic reason why people who are 20 years apart in age shouldn't be married
• Charlotte gets a braless nanny and waits until she's thousands of miles away from her husband and the nanny to freak out about the fact that her husband is thousands of miles away with a braless nanny
• Miranda hates her boss and quits her job
• Samantha spends most of her days taking hormone pills and applying creams in unsavory areas so that she can ward off menopause

One day, for some ridiculous reason, Samantha gets to take them all on a trip to the Middle East where:

• Miranda walks around Abu Dhabi spewing off annoying facts and mispronouncing words
• Even though all of Samantha's menopause drugs were siezed in customs, she conceeds to consume yams at an alarming rate along with continued attempts at screwing anything with a pulse
• Charlotte cries a lot blah blah blah
• And in a shocking twist of fate that's along the same premise of being sent on an all-inclusive trip to Abu Dabi, Carrie runs into Aiden and they share a kiss-awwww shucks. But what about Big you say? Well don't worry, apparently all it takes for him to get over it, is a few days of brooding and a black and white movie.

Anyway, the trip culminates with Samantha stripping down in front of the inhabitants of Abu Dhabi and throwing condoms everywhere. Rather than shooting her onsight and then dragging her carcass through the streets as they most likely would have (and probably should have) done in real life, we are instead sent on a rollicking adventure in which we follow our four middle aged protagonists running around in a spectacle reminicent of Road Runner trying to escape Wile E. Coyote.

If you have two and half hours of your life you're not going to miss, or a boyfriend you feel like torturing, then this is the movie for you.

My official rating? Bootleg at Best.