Though I have sincerely enjoyed screaming those words first uttered by Jerry Seinfeld for past few months any time someone mentioned my friends’ wedding, I actually did want to go to it. Why do I bring it up now? Because it happened to take place this very Memorial Day weekend… 8 hours away… In Harrisburg, PA… I went over the George Washington to get there…
And off into there be dragons we went. It wasn’t actually that bad a ride, the confusing part of the trip came when we actually set foot in PA. I wondered if leaving the passport at home had been a mistake.
So here is an abbreviated list of the things I can remember learning this weekend.
- When you ask for a lager they don’t say, “what kind?” they just give you a Yuengling
- When you go to pay for the keystone of lagers that has just been placed before you, you won’t pay more than $3
- A similar trend was seen among other beverages – a shot of SoCo = 6. A legit margarita = 5. Basically, I felt like I’d landed in Estonia or some other eastern European country, therefore I was a millionaire
- People are friendly – I was walking down the street and on more than one occasion some random ass person said “hello.” They didn’t know me. They were just being “friendly.” I figured “hello?” back was a solid answer. They probably thought I was a big asshole. They may be correct.
- A pancake is a hotcake – what the hell
- If you plan on eating that hot cake or buying aspirin, a toothbrush, or a wedding card, you better plan on doing it before 2 pm because everything closes wicked early
- People at bars and clubs dress like they just stumbled off of the beach
- People drive backwards down the highway – random impatience?
- As it turns out, there are no left turns in New Jersey. Also, that state smells like a foot
So there you go – everything I learned in Harrisburg. Enthralling, I know…